Parents often tell me the feel powerless in today’s new world to be a positive influence on their daughters. I understand their dismay. The world is such a new place with all the technological and cultural changes. However, your daughter still needs you, even though she may act like she could care less about you except for your carpooling, laundry, cooking, cleaning and ATM skills. What parents forget is that they have a secret power that they can use to build a better relationship with their daughter. That power? It’s the power of Love. Corny? You bet. Scientifically proven! You betcha!
What we know about neuroscience and Interpersonal Biology, (which means how relationships affect our brains for good or for bad) is that our daughter’s brains are “asking” us if we are there for her. It’s what Interpersonal Neurobiologists call “The Big Brain Question.” When you answer your daughter’s BBQ with a “Yes!” she feels accepted, understood, “gotten,” heard etc. In a nutshell she feels loved. Brain scans show us that humans who have love and support in their lives have more optimum brain growth. Not only that, they grow “better” hearts.
Some scientists believe that our hearts are more than mere pumps. They report that the heart has neurons just like the brain has. In fact, some believe the heart has it’s own “brain,” or source of intelligence. The heart actually has far more electromagnetic energy than the brain! So, the power of your love, your ability to listen to your daughter’s “Big Brain Question” and answer with a “Yes!” will help your daughters emotional and intellectual growth!
Mind you, your daughter won’t ask the Big Brain Question out loud. She will ask it through her behavior and her conversation. You’ll have to listen carefully for it. That’s why I am teaching Big Brain Listening Skill for parents at my new Scarsdale office. I’ll be video taping them soon, so those of you who can’t make it to New York can buy them and learn at home.
You have tremendous power as a parent. Your love, patience, understanding, support, nurturing and being there emotionally for your daughter helps her grow up in healthy, happy ways. I know it’s a wild world out there. But don’t discount how much you are giving your daughter when you simply love her in a way so she feels it, she gets it and she trusts it!